Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
Plan B is the new Plan A
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Randomize
