no one should ever give us hovercrafts
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Randomize
