exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize