There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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