I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
