I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
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