You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
