Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
