I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Randomize