one two three fourrrrnication!
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize