Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Randomize
