i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
