I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
