dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
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