im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize
