gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize