Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
why do cheetos always look like penises
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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