My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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