The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
