Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
