You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
