rhymes with "ouble enetration"
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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