I got chris browned last night
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
