Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize