that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
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