Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize
