well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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