You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
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