I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
