Sorry, I don't speak sober.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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