got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
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