I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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