Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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