At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
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