the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
