eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
