he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
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