Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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