I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
Swine flu is the new snow day.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Floor bacon is actually really good
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Randomize
