I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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