i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
i believe in u and ur pee
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
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