i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
