wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
