just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
