When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
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