I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
