I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
