She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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