She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Randomize
