you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
