When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
A bitchslap is in order.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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