Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
