i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
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