New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
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