Your dad touched me again.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
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