she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
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