no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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