Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
