It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Randomize
