Is it normal to miss your booty call?
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Randomize
