He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Randomize
