Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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