Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
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