Hey man sorry I got all grabby
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Randomize
