Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
