Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Why did my mother make you get naked?
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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