ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
