Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Randomize
