I just saw a hot homeless man
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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