did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
