She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
