For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
