Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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