turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
