White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
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