I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize