i can't believe i had my finger in that
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize