exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Randomize
