Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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