Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
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