cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
