i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Randomize
