remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
