they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
