okay pat passed out under dana's car
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
