So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Cover your peen. We're going out.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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