Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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