the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
He? As in you personified your dick?
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
