She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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