Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Randomize
