Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
