Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize