Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
