I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
