Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize
