i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Randomize
