Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
