So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
