Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
