So drunk, too bad you don't want this
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Randomize
