I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Randomize
