she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
Randomize
