Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize