there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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