omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
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