We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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