I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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